Strengthening family relationships with CONNETIX

By Louise Pettifer

Research indicates that strong family relationships are vital to child development and wellbeing. In fact, these formative relationships are the building blocks for all future social relationships and so much more!

Before we dive into the importance of family relationships, let’s take a moment to celebrate families and recognise the sometimes-paradoxical role carers play. I strongly believe carers know their children best and are doing an incredible job raising their families. So kudos to you all!

Strong family relationships, why they matter!

Every family is unique and they come in all shapes and sizes. Family relationships are often the first experiences of social interaction for children. These experiences establish “templates” for children to learn and develop. Templates store the information children gather about the world, themselves and the relationships around them. This information helps children develop their own perspective, informs their beliefs and ultimately their identity – “Who am I”? A child who receives a message that they belong, they are heard, valued and respected in a family unit, will then see themselves in that way also. Having a developed sense of self has significant benefits on all social relationships and can create a “domino effect” on so many areas in life.

Children and young people who have meaningful relationships with their family and peers demonstrate a greater level of resilience and emotional intelligence. In terms of resilience, this means the ability to overcome challenging situations. Emotional intelligence on the other hand, is the ability to be aware of your own and others’ emotions. If we think about the “domino” analogy again, this further leads to improved friendships and experiencing more positive emotion and wellbeing overall!

Let’s apply these social relationship factors within the education setting. Students who display resilience, emotional literacy and have healthy social relationships, are less likely to experience behavioural issues in the classroom, are more likely to persevere with their learning and have improved learning outcomes.

When a child experiences supportive family relationships in early life, they learn how to communicate in a helpful way to have their needs met and also understand how to empathise with others. Everyday family life involves unavoidable and sometimes unsolvable conflict. This can be trivial issues like what to have for breakfast and at other times more complex problems, like making important decisions about education. It is through role modelling by family members that children learn how to listen to others, to empathise, to problem solve, use teamwork and compromise when needed. Although all family and sibling conflict might not be as seamless, these skills are fundamental in all social settings and set children up for success in all areas of life.

It’s certainly true, a parent’s role in a child’s life is immeasurable! What can be said equally though, is that parents benefit too from having positive relationships with their children. When parents feel connected and close to their children, the feel-good emotions are reciprocated, they feel rewarded in their role and they are more able to be present and less reactive with their children, which helps to navigate testing moments along the journey.

As the saying suggests, “It takes a village to raise a child”, this couldn’t be more accurate! Extended family members are also an important piece in establishing healthy family dynamics and supporting children’s development. Having lots of meaningful relationships whether it be with grandparents, siblings, cousins or even close friends, all contribute to the “positive domino effect” and successful outcomes for children.

How can families strengthen their relationship with their children?

PLAY:

There’s no denying PLAY is a child’s language; it helps us to meet children at their level, it boosts their self-esteem and is one of the best ways to connect. When engaging in play; a child feels valued, they receive a message that they are important and loved! It’s hard not to smile and feel-good when delighting in child’s play. Often play is related to younger children although what’s important to mention is that big kids benefit from playfulness and connection too! Playing with older children and teenagers helps them to still feel a part of the family. Older children are extremely creative and imaginative, let them take charge and ownership in constructing a game. You will be amazed at what they create! It’s helpful to keep in mind, play works best when it is FUN, CHILD-LED, SPONTANEOUS AND FULFILLING for everyone.

The play possibilities for the whole family are almost endless with CONNETIX, here’s a few favourite ideas:

Naughts and crosses (XOXO)
DIY Boardgames like Snakes and Ladders or Scrabble
Dominos
Word association
Bowling lanes or race tracks
Mandalas and puzzles
Simply BUILD – This could be a utopia, a theme park, the tallest tower possible or get creative during festive seasons making themed decorations.

COMMUNICATION:

Respectful, warm and open communication with children is key when developing a strong family unit. Children learn all of these skills through role modelling and opportunities to practice with their family members. Positive communication can look like praise or encouragement, actively listening to one another, taking turns, respecting differences in opinions and problem solving together. When children and teenagers are engaging in an activity, they are more likely to talk about other things that might be bothering them, as direct verbal communication and eye contact can be confronting at this age. When communicating with children, it helps to be curious, ask open-ended questions and draw on their hobbies or interests.

CONNETIX can be fantastic “talking tools” and provide so many opportunities to open up conversations within the family:

Make a conversation stack – Ask every family member to write some questions on the tiles like “what is your favourite food or what game did you enjoy the most as a child?”. You’ll be surprised what you might learn about one another and children find it really fascinating learning about their parents or grandparents when they were younger!
Make a calendar on the fridge – This can be a great visual communication tool to help prepare children for the week ahead and establish good routines.
Have a family meeting – Family meetings are an effective way to help everyone in the family be heard and share their views. They can also provide opportunities for children to talk about their day and what they might be looking forward to. Family meetings work well when they are at a consistent time and place, and when there is some structure and boundaries to maintain respectful communication. CONNETIX can be used as “talking tools” to help each family member take turns and listen to one another. The colours can also be used to help children agree or disagree on a topic. For example, green might mean YES, blue MAYBE and red NO.

QUALITY TIME:

Spending time together as a family creates closeness and shared experiences. Quality time as a family helps to fill children’s emotional cup and feel a sense of belonging. There is a lot of research that highlights being PRESENT and spending QUALITY TIME with children has a far greater impact than just being physically present. This is a great reminder for parents already juggling so many responsibilities and time constraints, as even small moments of connection can have a BIG impact on their relationship with their children. Open-ended play resources like CONNETIX provide endless opportunities for families to bond and connect with one another.

As well as all the ideas provided earlier, here are some other ways families can spend quality time together with CONNETIX:

Make a family FUN stack – Every family member simply writes down on a tile their favourite activity the whole family can enjoy. Create a family ritual of regularly picking an activity from the stack.
Contributing to the family – Did you know that children benefit greatly from helping out around the house? Even from a young age, children like to be involved and this helps them to feel they belong in their family unit. Not to mention developing all-important teamwork skills! CONNETIX can be used to create a chore chart or to negotiate tasks to complete around the house. Colour coding the tasks can work well to maintain fairness.
Tokens – CONNETIX can be used to reward, recognise and encourage positive behaviour in the family. This might be receiving a tile for an act of kindness, trying something new or receiving an award at school. Try writing the accomplishment on a tile and sticking it on the fridge for the week so the whole family can celebrate the achievement together. What can be even more beneficial is allowing children to give tokens to each other and name their reward (within reason!) as they are more likely to be motivated to complete the task. It’s helpful to keep in mind that the best rewards are cost-free, allow children autonomy and involve spending time together.

The time you spend with your children is having a POWERFUL impact! We would love to hear how you use #connetixtiles to spend quality family time together.

Louise Pettifer

Louise has had over ten years’ experience and a rewarding career working with families in the community services and education sector. Louise authentically draws on the importance of PLAY in nurturing attachment and childhood development.

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